Today is Wednesday. A new post was neglected Monday and today almost slipped by me. You get to be privy to a blog post that is going to be entirely written on the fly with very little editing. Normally, my posts are lovingly crafted, proof-read, edited, then proofed some more. I have at least one person read it, usually The Hubz (imagine the eye-rolling and deep-sighing he exhibited when he read The Hubz Ballz.) But this past weekend and week were very busy for me.
So as the title indicates, and I’m sure everyone is aware, sometimes life can get away with us. It can make us forget what’s truly important in order to prioritize for the immediately important. Immediately important for me was to burn through The Color Purple by Alice Walker (a novel whose movie I had seen many years ago, but never got around to reading) in order to play homework catch-up for one of the courses for my Master’s program. I won’t review it now, but suffice it to say that I was ugly-crying by the end. I won’t tell you if it’s for happy or sad reasons, just in case there are other souls out there who neglected to read it (you really should stop by the library and pick it up).
I was also swamped with work (Labor Day is a busy time in the retail world).
And my poor kid was swamped with zillions of little tonsil stones that I had the unequivocal joy of scraping out of his throat with a q-tip. Actually, about 100 q-tips. Dead serious.
And a million other reasons that I just never had the chance to sit down and write. But the point I’d like to make is that it’s okay to sometimes forget what’s really important to us when we get distracted by all of the things, as long as somehow we get around to remembering again. Today in my nutritionist’s office, I had a small break-down. Day-to-day, I’ve been able to hold everything together. “There are tasks to be done and then sleep to be had.” No time for crying or feeling, really. And sadly, no time to realize there wasn’t really a single thing I was doing to make myself happy (besides goof off for a few minutes on some game app).
Last week, I had just interviewed a local business in order to write something up and see if the local papers will bite. I had a great time with the owner as he showed me around his shop and told me his dreams for the business and for himself. I love talking to people and getting to know and understand them, asking questions. But as soon as the next day came, it was time to go back to work and forget about these happy things. It isn’t that the work is all that bad, it can be annoying but what job isn’t? It’s just that it isn’t personally gratifying for me beyond helping someone find that thing they’re looking for. But it’s long, and it’s physically laborious, and as soon as it’s done there’s either a shower and bedtime, or other necessary things at home to be done (laundry, shopping, cleaning, child-raising). The Hubz is fantastic and steps up and gets quite a lot of this done. But I need to contribute, as well.
So it’s fairly easy to forget the things that are important. As I mentioned, there was a little crying jag in the nutritionist’s office today. All it took was for her to notice the fabric fraying around the edges, the one holding me together in this day-in, day-out business. She squinted a little bit at me as she leaned closer, “Are you okay? You look like you want to cry..” And that was it. The finger was removed from the hole in the dam. Suddenly the water was springing forth and I could feel my isolation-wall collapsing, brick by dusty, crumbling brick.
I felt my face fall and the sting of tears prick my eyes and burn my nose. I felt my throat begin to close and immediately reached out for a tissue as the tears came stronger, even as I angrily tried to hold them back. I hate crying in front of people, even my husband. I know it’s nothing shameful and that it’s good for you and releases those much-needed endorphins. Nevertheless, hiding my tears is a habit ingrained into me from years ago that is very difficult to release.
As I sat there and made a nice, big puddle of emotion, she talked to me. I forget already exactly the words she said but she brought up how happy writing made me. The hiccuping began to slow down, my eyes opened a little wider. She reminded me to do more things that make me happy. After our appointment, I went out to my car and sat for a little while. Finally I decided to really start looking into local papers and how to submit freelance pieces. I emailed a local reporter for advice. We’ll see if she responds back. But either way, I’m still gonna be writing.
Now, I have to make good on all that speed-reading for my class, and write up the response to that beautiful book. This is it for tonight, blog. I’ll try not to neglect you again.